Slanted and Enchanted...

Lowest of the Low...

2006-02-12T15:20:00.000-08:00

Well, this is the lowest I've felt since Dad died. With the growing possibility of me moving back to Azle, I grow more and more disjointed and deeply depressed. Not only does it mean having to move back in with my mother after being on my own for almost nine years, but it would mean me quitting the great band that's just getting on it's feet and leaving my beloved Austin. It all, of course, is my fault. I realize that. I think that is why it's so much worse.

I'm just tired of being the guy who never has money so he's never invited out when people do things. Either that, or someone has to pay for me, and I hate that. I want to be able to pay my own way.

Either way, I'm kicked out of the Real Normal office, and I'd have to work from home anyway. I want to be able to work on animations and motion graphics, but I can't afford to sit around all day and learn it without making money to pay bills. I'm already way behind on bills, I've been living without electricity for four months, and Mom's been having to pay my rent and the gas card. I can't help but feel I'm nearing some kind of cataclysmic event since I don't really see a good way out of this.

I feel like more and more like a complete failure as the minutes pass. It's been a while since I've been this deeply saddened. Even as I stare at the screen to type this, things start to blur out. I go through fazes of deep numbness from head to toe, followed by this horrible urge to break something.

I hate this.

Bleh... Are We Sure it's Friday?!

2006-01-27T13:54:00.000-08:00

Goddamn... it really feels like a Monday for me. I'm feeling really shitty at the moment. Why is it that I suddenly just don't fit in anywhere anymore? It's like I've become somehow invisible. I constantly get shoved to the side or to the back. I'm about to start swinging. I'm sick of feeling like this. I want to punch through a glass window right now.

I honestly don't know why I still bother...

In a Nutshell...

2006-01-18T17:22:00.000-08:00

It really is intensely humorous to me how oblivious some people can be in regards to situations and other peoples' feelings. I know I am guilty of this as well, but not nearly as guilty as someone I know. No matter what I say or do, she still exists in this weird alternate universe where she harbors delusions that I am happy with her. It is rediculous and INSANE.

It is also bullshit, and I'm about to erase myself from her existence. It has just gotten to the point where I just want to completely cut losses. Of course, she wouldn't realize it for quite some time, considering the fact that she never calls, never emails, and only messages me on My Space when she thinks I'm mad at her and she's trying to (in some fucked-up weird way) say she's sorry or just that "she's not mad at me for being mad at her" kind of fucked up ideology. Either that, or she's trying to get me to compliment her to make herself feel better. And yet, she tells me she loves me and that I'm her best friend.

I hate it, and I'm sick of it. Completely. I am not a goddamned magic mirror. I have my own feelings and needs, and I'm sick as all FUCKING HELL of pushing them aside for people that don't appreciate it. Fuck that. People can go to hell. I'm going to concentrate on me, and only me. If that's dickish, then I'm a dick. Fuck you, too.

Bleh, for Lack of a Better Title...

2006-01-16T14:17:00.000-08:00

Man... my internet is going frickin' SLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOW. It's killing me! ARGH!

Anyway, I had a funny off-and-on conversation with a girl this weekend that I was really interested in a couple of years ago. We have had off and on interest since I decided to walk away from her (about a year ago), but I had told her there was no way we could date (with the distance thing... her living in Dallas, me in Austin). Well, on Friday, we had a rather in-depth conversation about our feelings and where exactly they are. We tip-toed around the issue of us trying to give a relationship a go regardless of the distance, but I ultimately squelched that idea. I told her that there was just no way. She told me that she loved me, and that she's known for a long time that she's loved me, but was a afraid to admit it. I told her that I loved her, too (which I do, though a bit differently than she'd like), but my love for her was more platonic.

We have a huge physical attraction, but I cannot get over her quirks, and she's having a hard time with mine. I just know that in the long run, something between us just wouldn't work. Anyway, for the funny part:

We were chatting online last night while I was working, and she was getting upset that I would take so long to answer (I was juggling IM conversations with her and a couple of other people). I told her that I was talking to other people also, but she got huffy. She was telling me how she was really stressed out, and has been eating a lot and is depressed. She said, "I need to get away."

I said, "so get away."

She then preceded to tell me that it wasn't that simple, that she had to work a lot because she has financial responsibilities to take care of her brother (who is 25 and lives in El Paso), blah blah blah.

I responded with:
You never take time for yourself. You bury yourself in your work so deeply that you stress yourself out beyond belief. Then, you never really hang out with friends or do anything fun besides your dance classes that you have every once and a while. It just seems like you are consciously making yourself unhappy.

She said that she was happy that I was concerned, blah blah, and she does hang out with friends sometimes (pretty much a lie), etc etc.

I can't remember exactly what was said after that, but she got pissed off and got offline.

I wasn't trying to make her angry, but I hope I lit a fire under her ass. She's going to make someone very happy one day, but it's definitely NOT going to be me. We are way too different for something like a real relationship to work.

I know what some of you that really know me are thinking, too, and NO, I'm not holding out for 'you-know-who'. I have cut every thought of being with her from my brain. She has made it rather evident that I will be nothing to her but a 'best friend' (I'm beginning to loathe that fucking term from her lips considering 'best friends' would call each other, see each other when they're in town, etc etc... none of which she does), so whatever. That's something I've had to deal with internally, and I'm just about there (that's a lie... it still bugs the holy fuck out of me).

Anyway, I really want to meet someone here in Austin that is more like me. I know she's here somewhere. I just have to find her.

Hello, I am Knife, and I'm a Terrible Designer...

2006-01-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

I have just come to grips with a fact that I have been denying for a few years now: I am a terrible designer. I honestly don't know how I got through school. Actually, I got through school because of my personality. That's the only reason some of my instructors passed me. Isn't that sad?

Anyway, I don't deny that I have talent. I have created several really cool and quirky little characters that are near and dear to my heart. But, I have no place in the corporate world. Most things I have done here just end up getting redone by someone else anyway. I may as well not even try. When people are extremely vague about what they want as design ideas, I come up with my own. However, they never like my ideas and end up going with someone else. I can't be angry at them. It's just that they don't know what they want (except that they know that they don't like my ideas).

It's really fucking hard on me, especially for the fact that I'm really hard on myself to begin with. When I get that much negative feedback that consistently, it helps me to come to grips with the fact that I can't design. I told them right off that I don't do web design. But, they pushed me that way. I'm terrible at it. I don't like doing it. No one likes my logos. I'm really surprised that the salon went with the one I did. That was a small moment of glory for me. I did a logo for a company that isn't even close to my style, but I was able to effectively create something for them that they loved (unless they had someone else do a different one... it's possible).

I just needed to vent. I'm just not pleased with myself or the world around me right now. I mean, what the fuck? Why are things destined to be so shitty for me in such large spurts? I try to be happy. I try to be optimistic and cheery, but these bad situations keep climbing onto my back and weighing me down so hard that I can't breathe. I'm so sick of shit going wrong, no matter how hard I try to make it right. I am destined to be, and stay, a shithead.

A New Year, a New Name, a New Face...

2006-01-06T18:31:00.000-08:00

I was doing some thinking as I re-perused both of my blogs (this one and the one on My Space), and I came to the conclusion that I should not have the same name for both. This particular blog is more personal as far as inner feelings and the like go, so I have taken the name from one of my favorite Pavement albums (which, coincidentally, fits my moods as well) and placed it here. Also, I was a little bored with the blue, so I have adjusted the face of the blog as well. I still liked the polka dots, so here you are: Slanted and Enchanted, the new blog of the Jack Knife.

Happy new year, by the way. I am excited about this year. I have some things lined up that I think will net me some solid cash, as well as some fun times. 2005 was extremely hard for me financially, but I think this year will pick up considerably.

2006 could also be another great year for music. I can't wait to see what's lingering out there. Okay, that's all for now.

Knife Out.

This Shouldn't Happen This Early in a New Year...

2006-01-02T14:26:00.000-08:00

I hate deceit, especially from the opposite sex in regards to relationships/lack-of, etc. I just don't understand why people can't just say what they fucking mean. For one, I don't do games. Two, if you're dating someone, TELL ME AND DON'T TRY TO PLAY LIKE YOU AREN'T SO I'LL KEEP SENDING AFFECTION YOUR WAY. Fuck that, and fuck you. Two words: NO MORE. I'm sick of it. I've been a pawn for far too long, and I'm done with it. Leave it to HER to ruin my new-year great mood.

Motherfucker. I'm going to take a deep breath and erase her from my mind. I should erase her from my memory, Eternal Sunshine-style. That would be a hell of a lot of heartbreak out the window. Wow. That would be really mean.

However, OUT WITH THE OLD... bring on the new. Girls, I am 100% available.

'These Feelings in Me'

2005-12-12T15:39:00.000-08:00

There's a chill in the air
and a speck of dirt in my eye
but the only things that haunt me
are the things on my mind

I can't seem to shake these
fucking feelings in me
and while I try so hard
I can never break free

So as the tides get higher
and the clouds roll back in
I scream and I scream
and tear at my skin

I can't seem to shake these
fucking feelings in me
and while I try so hard
I can never break free

So again I revisit
this scenario again
where I fall back down
and get up again

I can't seem to shake these
fucking feelings in me
and while I try so hard
I can never break free

Blah

2005-12-12T12:03:00.000-08:00

Wow. I guess I have really done a number on myself this time. I just find myself staring into space. I get a weird tingling for a moment all over, then everything (including my mind) goes numb. The weirdest thing about that to me is the 'mind' part. Everyone that really knows me knows that I cannot physically or mentally stop for anything. I'm a pretty hyper person by nature, so I'm always moving. The same goes for my mind. It never stops. I'm always thinking of about fifty different things at once, so it sometimes becomes a problem and I freak out a little. Well, I have a few things on my mind, but for a few moments, I'll just blank out. It's not peaceful, but it's not aggressive or anything. I become just entranced in mediocrity or something. It is one of the most bizarre thing. I don't understand it, and it really creeps me out for a sec. But, the trance takes over again and wipes it out.

I hate this.

Spin Me About...

2005-12-08T11:32:00.000-08:00

I really have a love/hate relationship with, well, relationships. When I say 'relationship', I don't mean when the rules have been laid to specify that you are boyfriend & girlfriend. I mean that period of time where it is cat&mouse, where you are crazy about someone, but have no idea how the other party feels. You are so happy because you have these feelings for someone, but you don't think she likes you in that way. You really like her, but you have a horrible nagging in the back of your head that keeps saying, "she doesn't like you like that. Get thoughts of a relationship way the fuck out of your mind."

I always get trapped like that. I spend a certain amount of time with someone, talking, joking, enjoying each others' company. However, my feelings start to grow in other directions. Instead of just having a terrific friend, I start to have romantic feelings for them as well. The closer we get, the more I am like a brother to them. I am forever the brother, never the lover.

I am in somewhat of a similar predicament. I do not want to go into true specifics, since I have no idea who really reads this anyway, but she doesn't live here. I swore up and down that I would not get into a long-distance relationship, since those are so hard. Plus, I know that she isn't romantically interested in me. Or is she? I KNOW she's not. Geez. I can't get my head clear. I need to forget about any possibility of a relationship.

I need to get out of that mindset where I just fall for the really cool girls I have no chance with. I guess I've just been out of the game so long. I haven't dated anyone since Melissa, which ended in 2000. Wow. It sounds so horrible when put like that. I don't really see it as a bad thing, though. I have had moments during that period of time where I felt so horrible and alone. Then again, I also had times where I was at my happiest; I was free to follow my own schedule, not having to wait on anyone, or be worried about appearances or attitude. I could just be myself.

I think that is why relationships scare me so much. I'm so afraid that I would scare anyone off because of my eccentricities. I know that the right one will come along sooner or later... a girl that just sort of 'gets me'. Either that, or puts up with me. However, I just haven't found her yet. I thought I did at one time with CJ, but she proved that I cannot count on anyone but myself. I hate learning lessons the hard way. But, that's the only way I tend to learn things.

This Coming Weekend... the Worry Wart Escapes...

2005-12-07T08:36:00.000-08:00

I am headed back up to Fort Worth this weekend. It should be overall good times, with being able to go to Six Flags with Jerm, Johnny, Val, Orith, and company. However, my cousin's 30th b-day party is on Saturday, and I don't really want to go to that. She was such an ass during our childhood. She really still kinda is, even though she's toned down quite a bit.

Another reason I'm dreading this trip is my grandmother. Mame is going to be in town around the same time. Let me give you a brief history of this woman:

Mame is very... uh... how you say... eccentric? Now, when I say eccentric, I mean EEEECCCCCCCCCCCEEEEENNNTTTTRRRRRIIIIICCCCC. I know I'm weird and idiosyncratic, but I have nothing on this woman. She is so bizarre. She is my mother's mother, so I guess that is where we both get it. Anyway, she's been married going on 10 times now? I think it's 10. I lost track. Her last three husbands died, which sucks. Two of them were incredible men, and the last one, well, I didn't really like him much, but it really sucks that he died. Anyway, she's really manipulative, and always sticks her nose into everyone's business.

That being said, I'm sure she'll give me a seven hour lecture on my financial position right now, and how I'm just basically a piece of shit that's killing my mother one dollar at a time. I just don't know that I can handle her right now. Plus, I haven't seen her since Dad's funeral, so I'm sure that's going to be an issue as well.

This is going to be a pain in the ass, and I think the only thing that's going to get me through it is going to SF with my friends. I want to be out of the house as much as possible, so I'm going to have to sell some things before I leave to get some cash. It really sucks. I'm pretty much going to have to sell my prized possession: the X Box. It's the only gaming system I have left. I had to sell the PS2 and GameCube for ACL.

*sigh*

I knew the sky was overcast this morning for a reason.

Drunkeness, Football, and X Box...

2005-12-05T12:56:00.000-08:00

I have been in a drunken stupor for the past three days. I'm just now coming out of it, and I feel terrible! hehe... I hate that moment of hangover where you're not sick, but you're still a bit dizzy and cloudy.

The Texas/Colorado game was a wicked blowout. We had a blast over at Mike and Erin's place watching it, drinking, goofing off, etc. We decided after the game to play some four-on-four 'two-below' football. It was quite fun. I threw a huge touchdown pass to Toby that was insane. I had to laugh though, because Dana (who is tiny) wanted to play since Erin was playing. I was running to field a kick-off, and she tried to get in front of me to block me. Hello! I weigh close to 260lbs. You're telling me that if you weigh under a hundred, you're going to attempt blocking me, especially when I'm running full-force? Whatever. She was pouty, saying I was taking the game too seriously. Pffffft. If you can't handle playing with the boys without throwing a fit, get the fuck off the field. Period.

Anyway, yesterday was more football goodness. We watched the sucky Cowboys lose another imporant game, then watched the freakin' exciting KC/Denver game. It was awesome. We then played some Madden on X Box 360. John beat me twice in a row, then I came back with a vengeance. I beat him three times after that, using the Pats one time, and the Steelers the other two. It was greatness. John, though he doesn't know a whole lot about football, has a great understanding of the game. He uses the Colts, and usually plays very well. It was fun. Anyway, I'm taking a break from working on a couple of websites. I am still so exhausted. I'd better get back to work, though, so I can make my deadlines.

Yee.
Haw.

Spinning...

2005-12-01T11:32:00.000-08:00

My head is spinning and I don't know how to stop it.

Lost Part Two

2005-12-01T06:31:00.000-08:00

I was driving in to work this morning and just zoned out. I felt like an automoton. Traffic was heavy, but instead of getting upset, angry, or even happy really, I was just kind of staring at the car in front of me, moving when they did. I have no reason to smile, no reason to be angry, no reason to love...

Fuck. I HATE being like this. I hate the uncertainty I am starting to get swallowed up into. I love being spontaneous and unaware of what's coming next, because that is so much fun sometimes. However, sometimes that makes me frightful and on edge.

Inspired by a dream/nightmare:

the sky opens up, gives way to its pain
floods my heart and tries to explain
but my ears are long gone and my eyes are closed
My flesh peeling off, my muscles exposed

the buildings around me open their doors
and many figures stand on newly made shores
but every time I try to call out
my throat will not budge or give me a shout

I drip to the floor and lay for a while
still enveloped in sorrow and denial
fluid found its way from my heart to my lungs
and I know that the cycle has already begun

I feel them nearing me, the figures from before
I force my eyes open, my eyelids sore
Their faces are blank, but I can almost taste their pain
it is a gift that is hard to explain

their thinning, peeling hands are outstretched to me
I try to recede and make out a scream
as the rain slows to a drip, they narrow our space
as they make their ways toward me, reaching for my face

I shut my eyes tight, hoping somehow to leave
trying to forget about the pain I will receive
but it comes full-blast just as many times before
but I never can make my way back to the door.

Lost

2005-11-29T20:34:00.000-08:00

Man, I really feel lost right now. By lost, I do not mean that I have been dropped off in the middle of the woods without flashlights nor compass. I am just at a weird crossroads again where I need to get my shit together.

I hate when I go through these little blurbs of depression. It really is not becoming of me. Plus, all of my friends get mad because I am not fun anymore, etcetera etcetera. I have some serious ups and downs. It is a whipping! Anyway, I just have to clear my mind. I have the most trouble, I think, because of relationships with the opposite sex. CJ has just killed me in that department. I have a hard time meeting girls because I am constantly comparing them to her. I know I can't do that. That will get me nowhere. I don't know how I keep getting hung up on her. She's been a good friend at times, but she never really listens to me. She wants to talk and hang out, but she doesn't want to call or see me when I'm in town. How fucked up is that? She was telling me when she was dating Tim that she loved me, and wished that things were different. WHAT? Are you kidding me? I have told her time and again how I felt about her (which was a dumb-fuck thing to do, as I have come to learn), and she always freaked out and disappeared. Well, I'm the one that's going to be disappearing. I just can't handle her emotionally fucking me over anymore.

And, to make things worse, I met someone that I really like, but I know that it would never work out between us. I know that we'll be terrific friends (and are), but I'm attracted to her as well, so that's just going to fuck with me a lot. I'm trying so hard to learn how to turn my feelings off. I'm just a sensitive, emotional guy. I guess I'm a rarity. Who knows. There is just that part of me that falls for any girl that's nice to me, since several girls are not. Why is that such a fucking chore for girls, to be nice to someone? I don't get it. It's because I'm generally nice. That's my biggest fucking fault. I'm too nice. I let girls use and abuse me, only to ask for more. They walk all over me and destroy my heart, yet I smile and say thank you.

I'm ranting so much now that I don't know what I'm talking about. See?! Lost.

I hate being invisible, too. We went to the Continental Club last night to see Dale Watson. John, Blum and I were at the pool table, and this girl who was pretty cute came up and started talking to Blum and John like I didn't exist. It was so weird. I was like WTF. She said one thing to me the whole time (which was about 45 minutes or so): "I need you to move, sweetie."

Bitch.

UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need sleep. No, I don't. I slept until 2pm today. I need another job. I need money. I am so broke right now. I feel like a goddamned asshole because Mom has been helping me with rent. Of course, my phone and electricity have been cut off, but I don't really need those to survive (well, electricity would help). I'm glad I have an office to go to that has a kitchen. I would starve otherwise. I can't even get fast food because I have no money. I have been using a gas card (that I have to eventually pay back) to get non-perishable food and microwaveable shit that I can heat at work.

I don't hate myself through all of this, but I'm rather irritated that I can't get off my ass. I wish that I could just jump off a building and fly around (not fall to my death.... I'm not talking about suicide, folks... ease up). I want to feel the wind through my body. I want to move at an incredible rate. That would be so awesome.

That was the most bizarre blog I've ever typed. Fuck it. I'm going home to crash out.

Disjointed Musings...

2005-10-20T20:44:00.000-07:00

I am feeling a disconnect from everything at this very moment. How scary is that? I don't want to be online right now, but I feel it is a comfort blanket to me... a plethora of information at my fingertips, yet I almost never use it wisely. That must say at least a little something about my character.

I don't know why I have been so down on myself the last couple of days. I had finally gotten past the whole 'I hate myself' phase.

I have issues.

Holy crap!

2005-10-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

I should be ashamed of myself. I spent so much time blogging on My Space so my friends there can see what I'm up to that I have completely neglected this blog. Little blogspot, please forgive me! Drats!

Anyhow, things are okay here. I'm still feeling a little strange from the dream I had last night (see http://blog.myspace.com/pumpkin_eyes). I am also really tired. In fact, I have been really tired quite a bit lately. I need to start back with working out and all. My weight has not really fluxuated bad at all, but my size has. Oh, well.

Things are really funny at times. I am once again at a weird crossroad of sorts. I am really conflicted about this! Some of you know that I have been completely in love with CJ for a really long time, and that we have never dated. Well, she is supposed to be moving to Austin next year (next YEAR!). She finally broke up with her boyfriend, and has somewhat (if not subconsciously) put out the vibe (albeit a very small vibe) that she may want to date me in the future. Of course, I could be just completely misreading (as I have been REALLY known to do), but I'd like to think she would want to be with me.

Now comes the weird part. I am finally meeting people here in Austin (not potential dates, I don't think, but just people in general). Should I wait for CJ, who owns a large portion of my heart and soul, or should I just go out with whoever here if the chance arises? I hate all this. It's so hard to navigate all of this shit.

My hardest times with CJ have always been me misreading her. When we had our big falling out, it was because I mistook her friendliness for affection and fell for her hard. Of course, I kept it to myself until I was just bursting at the seams. When it became physically painful, I felt I had to tell her. Of course, she did not feel the same about me. In fact, she had always considered me 'like a brother'. That was a M.O. I had been slipping into quite a bit. I was always the wacky fun friend that girls never looked at as a potential beau. So, CJ's rejection was a huge sting for me (even though it really should not have been... she was still my friend). She disappeared for a while. It was a horrible time for me. I tried really hard to force her toward the back of my mind, but as soon as I was successful, she recontacted me. Every feeling came rushing back. It was really weird. But, I was able to subdue those feelings that time around and just be her friend.

Every once and awhile, those feelings will creep back up (like now), but I just have to force them back down. I am just a bit lost at the moment, and I am desperately trying to find my legs. I will find them eventually, though...
... I always have.

Current Podcast:
The Signal

Current Playlist:
Doppelgänger by The Fall of Troy
Fantastic Planet by Failure
Thunder, Lightning, Strike by The Go! Team
Neon Handshake by Hell is for Heroes
You're a Woman, I'm a Machine by Death From Above 1979
Playing the Angel by Depeche Mode

Don Adams, R.I.P.

2005-09-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

Well, another TV icon is dead. Don Adams, better known as Maxwell Smart, died of a lung infection late Sunday at the age of 82.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/09/26/obit.adams.ap/index.html

The End of September is Going to ROCK.

2005-09-13T11:46:00.000-07:00

Wow. I am sooo looking forward to the end of September. Not only will the weather be cooler and we will be one step closer to my favorite holiday, but several things are happening. First off, next weekend is ACL (Austin City Limits Festival... September 23-25). For those that do not know, ACL is a three-day festival that has sooo many great bands playing. So far, this is going to be my schedule (subject to change):

Friday

1:30-2:30 Kasabian
3:30-4:30 Mates of State
5:30-6:30 Either Spoon or Thievery Corporation
7:30-8:15 Keane
8:30-10:00 I may go see the Black Crowes, but probably not.

Saturday

11:45-12:30 Tegan and Sara
2:30-3:30 Built to Spill
4:30-5:30 Death Cab for Cutie
5:30-6:30 The Walkmen
7:30-8:15 Bloc Party (why they're playing such a short set, I'll never know).
8:15-9:35 Oasis

Sunday
(some will probably overlap here...)

12:00-12:45 Ambulance LTD
12:30-1:30 Eisley
1:45-2:30 M83
2:30-3:30 Rilo Kiley
3:30-4:30 either The Bravery or Kaiser Chiefs (probably Kaiser Chiefs)
4:30-5:30 The Arcade Fire
5:30-6:30 The Decemberists
6:30-7:45 Wilco
7:45-8:45 Tortoise
8:30-10:00 Coldplay

Of course, when my friends and I all get together, there is no telling which path we will actually take, but that is the list I want to see.

The end of September also brings Serenity (in theaters September 30). For those not in the know, Serenity is the movie spawned from a criminally-cancelled television series called Firefly, a 'space western' created by Joss Whedon (of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel fame). This movie is the result of an insane fanbase bludgeoning FOX since 2001 to bring back the series. Click that above link to check it out.

Current Playlist:
Silent Alarm Remixed by Bloc Party
Updates by American Analog Set
Music for a Jilted Generation by Prodigy
Diary by Sunny Day Real Estate
Team Sleep by Team Sleep

Bob Denver Dead at 70

2005-09-06T13:55:00.000-07:00

Bob Denver

1935 - 2005

R.I.P., Little Buddy.

Forever the Letdown

2005-09-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

Well, wow. This is going to be a rather long one, I'm afraid. So either turn back now and spare yourself the discomfort (or pleasure, if you are into pain), or dig in and prepare for some self-depreciating bloggity goodness.

It seems I have been letting everyone down lately. Not only did I get 'fired' from Portable Petting Zoo (the band I was in) via e-mail this morning for not having the band as my number one priority, but I also got a 'talking to' by my two bosses. Apparently, I am just a flaky person all together. Now, just in case John and/or Toby reads this, I want to make it perfectly clear that I agree with 100% of everything they said. I will elaborate in a moment. Now, to add to the list of disappointments, I may not be able to make Lisa's wedding this weekend. She is a little upset with me. Also, there's Darren. I have written some news articles for the OZ Lounge that are supposed to be weekly, but because of everything that has been happening lately, I have flaked out on him, too. I really need to get my affairs in order. I am beginning to anger everyone around me that I care about.

The Band
Okay, here is the deal with PPZ. I have been contemplating quitting the band for several months now (since before I moved to Austin). However, I cannot say I was not stung just a little bit when I received Bob's e-mail this morning. Here is the situation surrounding the break:

First things first: since buying my BlackBerry, I communicate more with e-mail than I do with the actual phone. That is just what I am accustomed to now. That being said, when I realized I was not going to be able to make band rehearsal last night (I realized this as I neared my would-be departure time), I quickly e-mailed the guys and asked if there was any way to switch for Friday night instead. Bob answered back, vexed at the fact that I didn't call anyone, but nonetheless tried to switch the day. Universal Rehearsal Studio (where we practiced) was able to accomidate us. However, Lance could not attend a Friday night rehearsal. So, they decided to have a band meeting instead, so they could talk about 'firing' me. Oh, well. I have thoughts WAY back in the back of my head where I am pissed off about the whole deal, but I really am okay with it. Bob's singing was pissing off everyone I talked to, but I never had the heart to tell him. Now I don't have to worry about that at all. That is awesome.

Work
The guys conference-called me today to talk about my work performance as of late, as well as my general persona. This was a much-needed talk, and I am glad we were able to have it. For the last couple of months (and I had noticed it, too, but it is just a defense mechanism I have), I have not been myself. I got into a funk around the anniversary of Dad's death, and I just have not seemed to climb out yet. I am trying, though, but things just seem to keep getting worse. My car is on its last leg, I am broke, etc. Everything around me just seems to be trying to cave in. So, I withdraw myself from society. That is just what I do. I become somewhat reclusive to save myself any embarrassment. However, the embarrassment always seems to find me anyway, so I might as well face it head-on. However, I can be a coward at times (what? really??), so I tend to run away from certain situations. I do hate that about myself. Over the past several years, I have finally begun to accept myself without incident, but there are occasional slip-ups.

Anyway, to make a short story long (as my friend Jefe would say), they were concerned about me not only as co-workers/bosses, but as friends as well. That made me feel better. It really seemed to me that we had all been drifting apart as of late, but I think that it was just me and my mechanisms.

The Wedding
This was my plan for the weekend (that became severely hosed):
Thursday: Leave Austin at 3pm. Go to Band Rehearsal in Dallas at 7pm. Drive to Azle at 10pm.
Friday: Chill with Mom.
Saturday: Attend Lisa's pre-wedding party at Dave and Buster's.
Sunday: Attend Lisa's Wedding.
Monday: Drive back to Austin.

This is more like it:
Thursday: Stay in Austin to work on AF music. Get Fired by band.
Friday: Get conference-called regarding my poor work performance. Work on AF music.
Saturday: Work on AF music. No eat or sleep.
Sunday: Work on AF music. Hopefully finish in time to make it to Lisa's wedding.
Monday: Wrap up AF music.

When they say 'Labor Day', they fucking mean it. :)
Anyhow, Lisa will be so angry at me if I miss her wedding. I cannot help it, though. I am trying my hardest to finish this shit so I can go. I really hope she understands.

Current Playlist:
AF music, goddammit.

12 Angry Men and Saruman

2005-08-25T16:31:00.000-07:00

Wow. I cannot believe I neglected this blog for so long. I must receive spankings from Ms. Theron for being such a bad blogger. Anyhow, I am working pretty hard (mostly fighting with clients over musical styles). I leave for Fort Worth again on Saturday to see a play my friends are in. They are performing 12 Angry Men (one of my absolute favorites), and it is going to be at the County Courthouse in Weatherford. It should be really good. Since my car is being fussy, I will ride up with Toby, Dana, and Danny. My ride back will be Jefe and his wife, who were coming down to visit me anyway (awesome how that works out, eh?).

Let's see. Oh, I have been offered a part in a play in Fort Worth. That should be awesome. Here is the info I received:

I have a student named Andrew Hill who has written a farce about how Camelot got it's name and/or what really happened to Arthur. He's done a great job! We will be producing it as a fundraiser - money to be used to help get my theatre kids to Scotland next summer to perform at the Fringe Festival.

...

As far as the guys - we will need lots! I have a friend, Paul Dulaney, who would be great for the part of Chaucer. Pat says he's interested in the Bob Dylan part, and Pat & I think Sempeles is good for Lancelot - and of course, he's game for that!

Sherry, David, and Raul - will you come and play with us? Sempeles is going to email Keith Dalton, although Brian Price is my first choice, since he is freakin' HILARIOUS!!!!! Andrew, will you check with Brian about this?

...

Brian Price/Keith Dalton - SARUMON: The Bad Guy from Lord of The Rings/Darth Vader comparison.

This should be greatness. I love playing bad guys... especially when I get to be really campy and obnoxious. The only bad part is that I will continually have to drive back and forth from Austin to Fort Worth (not that I don't do that enough as it is) for rehearsals. It is awesome, though, because I will get to hang with my friends and stuff while I am there.

Also, I am currently working on an as-of-yet untitled industrial/electronica project. It should be interesting. I am not sure if I even want to take it anywhere, but it is fun writing and creating songs for it.

Other than that, everything is low-key. I am just working and working and playing and sleeping and working some more. I am about to head out though, because they moved poker night to tonight. It's time to take some peoples' money. Ah to tha YEAH.

Current Playlist:
Plans by Death Cab for Cutie
This Adultery is Ripe by The Blood Brothers
The Difference Between Houses and Homes by Cursive
O by Damien Rice
Absentia by Porcupine Tree
Retaliation by Dane Cook

The Twilight Zone

2005-08-17T19:34:00.000-07:00

Here is a random 'reunion' pic that (kind of) show's my new hair and glasses. You can see the glasses really good, but you can't really get a fit for the hair. By the time this picture was taken, I had already had quite a bit to drink. I was sweating profusely (when that many people full of hot air are in the same room, the temperature tends to rise...) by then (hence the crop to miss the GIANT friggin' sweat stain I had between my man-breasts) and my hair had fallen. I will now dive into my thoughts on the reunion weekend.

Friday
Friday night could not have rocked harder, save for Frank Black and The Pixies replacing the cover band playing the Pour House. It all began with Johnny picking me up from Mom's house (my car was still in Austin, being raped by the brake guys). Jefe and his awesome wife Tay met us there to follow. We headed to IHOP to meet Dominic (who was late, as per usual) so he could ride with Jeff. Lisa called, griping at us for running behind (entirely Dominic's fault... hehe), and was already at the restaurant we were to meet her at. La Familia, a little Mexican restaurant on 7th Street in Fort Worth, was our destination. We finally arrived and grubbed down. Now, aside from Tay, who is Jeff's wife, every one of us at the dinner table have known each other for a VERY long time. So, the storytelling began. We reminisced about so many things, some of which I had forgotten about. We had decided to make up a game. If people mentioned certain things throughout the night, they would have to drink. These were the people and their code words:

Lisa - making out
Dominic - my hot wife (is going to be a doctor)
Jefe - dungeons and dragons
Me - anything pertaining to Ninjadom.

I don't think we ever came up with anything for Johnny to say... fucker. Anyhow, if any of us ever mentioned anything about our code words, we would have to drink. Well, luckily, it was way too loud in our next location, The Pour House on 5th St downtown, because we never played our game that night. I started the drinking off right: a shot of Patron and a Tecate. I drank several more Tecates before the night was through. We all ran into people we had not seen in forever, as well as people we would have rather NOT seen. All in all, though, it was so rad.

As the night poured on (literally and figuratively), we got word that our old drama teacher was at Pete's Piano Bar, which is about a block and a half from where we were. Most of our group had Ruffin, so we high-tailed it over there. More drinks were had, including a mystery shot courtesy of PPB's rad bartender. Sadly, Dave wasn't there, but his oldest son and daughter were there, as well as Sam Florence, who I hadn't seen in forever. We closed the Piano Bar down, then decided we were all hungry. Jefe was dying for cheese fries, but we ultimately decided on IHOP. Dominic, who was already furious about being out so late (he had a meeting early the next morning), declined to join us once he arrived back at his car. Wait, I skipped something rather funny:

Lisa was trashed. It was hilarious. She was stumbling everywhere and, at one point, I carried her on my back (the trip to the car also included me urinating on the side of a building... OOPS). Johnny and I had decided that she was not driving back. I took it upon myself to drive her to IHOP. She fought me tooth and nail, but I was victorious (hehe). Jefe rode with me in Lisa's car, and Lisa rode with Johnny. We got to IHOP safely, where we stayed until around 5am. Lisa was still trashed, so I drove her to my mom's house with Johnny following behind. Since my mom was sleeping in one guest bed and there was shit (not literally) all over the bed in another, we decided to all sleep in my parents' gigantic bed. We all climbed under the covers and finally crashed out at about 6am. Well, we all woke up about an hour to hour and a half later and could not go back to sleep. WHIP. It was so annoying. So, we all laid there and laughed at events that had transpired that night, as well as stories about growing up together, running around, etc. Around ten, we all got up, Lisa headed back to Dallas, and Johnny headed back to his house.

Saturday
Now that is was officially Saturday, and too late for me to take a nap, I started getting ready for my neice's 10th birthday party (which was to begin at noon). Mom and I headed over to my brother's house and stayed there for a while. Afterward, we went back to her house where I crashed for a couple of hours. Johnny came by to pick me up for the reunion a little later, and we got lost along the way (some genious put the wrong highway on the invitation). Once we were there, we had a pretty lame time. I don't know, I think it was all the stupid 'kitsch' bullshit that surrounds official reunions. The dumb-ass votes (most successful, best male body, etc), the prizes for stupid things (most children, most recently married, etc), etc, were boring and dumb. Actually, it was pretty funny watching people argue over a fucking bottle of shitty champagne. There were two couples trying to vie for the title of something (I can't even remember what... it was that important to me). It was funny. They argued back and forth for, like, a split second. I remember thinking, "is a title like that really so important to you that you have to pitch a fit to get it? I mean, c'mon. We are supposed to at least resemble adults somewhat by now."
I guess when you get around people you grew up with, it brings that out of you. Personally, I act like a jack ass year-round. It does not have to be a special occasion for me. :)

I kept pretending to look at my watch the entire time (I wasn't wearing one). I was bored. Afterward, I talked a select few into going bowling (Jefe, Tay, Johnny, and myself). Now that was fun. Tay's brother and sister-in-law were there. We played some pool, drank some shots and beers, then went 'bowling'. Tay put it rather correctly on my My Space site when she said it looked more like golf. It was hilarious. I even beared my ass at one point. Good times... Good times. Afterward, Johnny dropped me back off at mom's and I crashed... hard.

Sunday
Sunday was supposed to be a trip to Six Flags with Johnny, Jeremey, and some chick he used to date a long time ago. Well, the chick had bailed out, so it was just the J's and me. That was so fun. We talked shit the entire time. I do not think I have laughed that much in quite a while. We got pissed off, though, because some clouds started coming in and they began closing all the rides. These were the highlights of the rides:

The Titan: I giggled the entire time.
Superman the Ride: I let a rather large expletive slip as it dropped us unexpectedly. Also, Jeremey heard me say 'shit fire' for the first time. He almost fell out of his seat.
Mr. Freeze: Johnny screamed like a two-year-old girl going to the mall Santa for the first time.

Those were the only rides we got to ride because of the weather. We ran across the street to Cheddar's for some grub. That was really good. Afterward, they were shutting the whole park down, so we decided to hit a flick. He high-tailed it to the Rave theater in Ridgmar Mall to see Four Brothers. That movie was intense. I loved it.

Reflections
My take on everything is the following: the weekend as a whole was a friggin' blast. The only lame part of it was the actual reunion (which only took up approximately .018 percent of the weekend). So, all in all, it was greatness.

Current Playlist:
( ) by Sigur Rós
Takk by Sigur Rós
Plans by Death Cab for Cutie

Wife's Eye for the Real Normal Guy

2005-08-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well folks, I had somewhat of a makeover last week. Here is the lowdown:

In preparation for my ten-year high school reunion, I decided to (finally) cut my hair and do some gentle revisions to my wardrobe (not much in the wardrobe respect, but I digress...). I began with my glasses. As some of you know, my beloved glasses fell into a watery grave in Destin, Florida. Since then, I have been forced to wear my hated old glasses (a weaker prescription, not to mention the fact that the 'protective lenses' had begun peeling long ago, leaving horrible lines and chips across the lens' surfaces). Toby, feeling bad that his wife had accidentally fallen off her glasses-babysitting duties and let my glasses drown, gave me a pair of frames he once wore. So, I travelled to Barton Creek Mall and stopped into EyeMasters. They took care of me in exactly one hour (shocker!), and I was on my way to my hair appointment.

I was really apprehensive about getting my hair cut. however, I enlisted Celeste Hollingsead, my co-worker Brent's wife, to take care of me. She works for a high-end salon here in Austin called Bella, and I trusted her. That being said, I stopped into Bella at 12pm. This was my first salon experience ever, and I have to admit that it was quite nice. All of the staff that I saw were all drop-dead gorgeous, which was awesome (hehe), but it was also a comfortable environment. Celeste shampooed and cut my hair in almost exactly an hour. I wanted her to do something creative with it, which she did. I was pleased.

That mostly wraps up my 'makeover'. It was fun, and I am pleased with the outcome. As soon as I get a pic taken with the new 'do', I'll post before and afters.

Current Playlist:
Night on Fire by VHS or Beta
Pure American Metal by Lamb of God
In on the Kill Taker by Fugazi
High Society by Enon
Discovery by Daft Punk
Selections from My Space by Saboteur

The Twisted Tale of the Bastard Car

2005-08-03T15:00:00.000-07:00

Today has been a good day. I was able to get my new glasses, get my hair cut by a salon specialist for the first time in my life (my friend and co-worker's wife is a stylist at a bad ass place here in Austin), and I am in good shape work-wise.

The plot decides to thicken.

I am scheduled to drive up to Dallas on Saturday for band camp, considering the fact that we have a show on the 20th at the Liquid Lounge. However, as I was heading back to work, my right front tire started making an awful grinding noise. I immediately got out to assess what sounded like serious damage. Fortunately (and VERY unfortunately), nothing seemed out of place. So, I have to take my car in tomorrow to get checked out. If it's serious, I may not be able to make practice. If it's quickly fixable, I'll be set.

*fingers crossed*

Other than that, my article for the OZ seems to be going over well. I have received some rather lovely compliments on it. That's always nice. I had fun writing it. Now I am brainstorming on what next week's article will be about.

Current Playlist:
Pinkston by Pinkston
Four Great Points by June of '44
Sick of Rock EP by Tendril
Pornography by The Cure
Pink Moon by Nick Drake
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory OST by Danny Elfman
It's a Wonderful Life by Sparklehorse

The Power of Music in Regards to Mood

2005-08-01T14:01:00.000-07:00

Wow. I am here at work listening to The Decemberists' latest CD while typing an e-mail to my one true love (who, as of yet, will not have me). During my (very) long message, I received an e-mail from an old girlfriend who is now married. She had found some things of ours when we were together and it brought back a flood of memories. The funniest part about this is that neither of us can remember how/why the relationship ended. It actually made me laugh a little, but it also made me think.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I knew then what I know now about relationships. I do not regret anything, because we live and we learn. But I was pretty stupid toward some of my former girlfriends. I doubt any of them care now, because most of them are married. Wow. That is really weird to think about. Let's go down the list from the ones that mattered:

Denice: Married. Has Kids.
Rachel: Married. Has Kid.
Wende: I have no idea.
Suzanne: I have no idea.
Melissa: Married. Has Kid.

Three out of five of them are married (that I know of) and have at least one child. What does that mean? I guess they just found the guys they were meant to be with. I am, by no means, ready to marry and have children. Wende, Rachel and Denice were high school/right-after-high-school girlfriends. Suzanne, well, I guess we never really 'dated' (we just did the naughty stuff). Melissa, on the other hand, was my first real adult relationship (even though it lasted less than seven months). I have not dated anyone since. What does that say about me? It means that I am an overanalytical, OCD kinda guy. I thought I had met the one girl that loved me for that, but I am beginning to think otherwise. We'll see.

Current Playlist:
Picaresque by The Decemberists (over and over)

Have you ever wanted to be a superhero?

2005-08-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

A fellow OZer posted this today, and I have officially wasted half my day! Go to http://www.ugo.com/channels/comics/heroMachine2/heromachine2.asp and enjoy! Although these are way too thin to be me, here are the results:

The 'Superhero', and...

His Alter-Ego.

Blah!

2005-07-30T17:24:00.000-07:00

I am bored. I just thought I would share.

Happy Birthday to Me.

2005-07-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

'Tis my birthday. Yesssssssssss.
We had a party last night @ Callie's place, and it was wicked fun. Luckily, I am not rocking a hangover this morning. I am keeping the music a little more chill, just in case ;)

Current Playlist:
Fisherman's Woman by Emiliana Torrini
X&Y by Coldplay
From a Basement on the Hill by Elliott Smith
Blinking Lights and Other Revelations by Eels

Facing the Inevitable

2005-07-27T09:11:00.000-07:00

My father died a year ago tomorrow. It has become increasingly difficult to get anything accomplished during the past couple of days. I have an inordinate amount of work I need to finish, but I just find myself unable to do anything. I need to get on it because I really need the money, but it is so hard.

Current Podcast:
None

Current Playlist:
Casshern: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack by Various Artists
Casshern: Original Score by Shiro Sagisu
The Understanding by Röyksopp
Blue Lines by Massive Attack

Poker in the Rear

2005-07-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

You have such a dirty mind! :)

This weekend's party was a phenominal success. We had over one hundred people at my brother's house for what is now being tenatively called The First Annual Price Birthday Hold 'Em Extravaganza (for lack of a better title). It was so wonderful. Of course, my brother and I were nervous wrecks when people first began showing up. We were still trying to finalize some things, and of course, Murphy stepped in and skewed things a touch. Everything worked out for the best, though, and a good time was had by all. We were able to see really old friends, new friends, their friends, family, etc. There was a huge mix of people there (ranging from old to young, 'rock' to 'country', etc), and everyone got along swimmingly.

My brother and sister-in-law even set up karaoke in the living room. I was, of course, talked into reprising my performance of Kyle's Mom's a Bitch from a couple of years ago, as well as a couple of rare JackKnife karaoke appearances (Total Eclipse of the Heart... Old School style, and The Humpty Dance... hehe). It was hilarious. People really got into the karaoke. I am not personally a fan, but if you put enough alcohol in me, I will 'talk some jive like you never heard'!

I had a really fun (but ultimately exhausting) weekend. I drove to Aledo on Friday morning (left Austin at 6am) to help my brother continue preparations for the party. We worked our asses off all day. I went out to Mom's after and crashed out. The next morning, I was able to play tennis with Johnny (finally... we plan to play every time I am in town, but this was the first time we were able to see it through). It was then back to Drew's for the final preparations. Once people started showing up, things just got better and better.

Luckily, I was nowhere near a hangover the next morning (a serious shocker, especially for how much alcohol I consumed), so when Drew woke me up at 8am, I was not the least bit tiffed. We headed over to Mom's (where she sheltered upwards of fifteen people in her house the night before) for breakfast, then hung out for a little while. After a brief nap, I helped my brother return the 100 chairs we borrowed. It was dinner time by then, so we rocked the Azle El Paseo. I ended up crashing at Mom's again that night, only to wake up at 6am again to return to Austin. I need a nap in the most rediculous way.

Current Podcast:
SPIN.Com's SPINsider

Current Playlist:
Leviathan by Mastodon
Thelema by Murder City Devils
Dummy by Portishead
Fuel for the Hate Game by Hot Water Music
Right Now, You're in the Best of Hands by Bear Vs Shark
Fantastic Planet by Failure

Miscellaneous Debris for 21 July, 2005

2005-07-21T11:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I gave The Shins' cover of The Postal Service's We Will Become Silhouettes another go, and I have decided that I like it. I bashed it at first, but I guess I am in the right mood now. Anyhow, you should check it out. It is available on TPS's Give Up vinyl release, and also on TPS's Such Great Heights EP. Thumbs Up. :)

I am really wiped out both mentally and physically. I am trying to knock out some music for a current web-video project, but I am so tired that it is proving difficult. I am sleeping okay, generally, but I am just always tired. It is really annoying.

I really cannot wait for this weekend. It is going to be insane. We are going to be piling so many people into my brother's house. I hope it does not rain. That would really piss me off. It has been rainy off and on here in Austin all week.

Current Podcast:
Bands Under the Radar

Current Playlist:
American IV: When the Man Comes Around by Johnny Cash
Death to the Pixies by The Pixies
Concrete Dunes by Grandaddy
Isola by Kent
We're All a Little Sick by Kill Sadie
Go Forth by Les Savy Fav

Things Just Happen to Twist Around Me For Some Odd Reason

2005-07-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be advantageous for me to plan activities for the next few weeks, but things never work that way 100%. I planned on picking up my reserved copy of Harry Potter at the Borders Books and Music at Westgate on Friday night at midnight. However, a friend's grandmother passed away in Azle, so I went up there Thursday night to attend her funeral the next morning. And, to better give Murphy the high-five, I forgot to call Borders to see if there was a way to pick them up at a Fort Worth location. I did, however, get to see two wonderful movies: Wedding Crashers and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I will elaborate on those in a moment.

Saturday was my brother's birthday, and we spent it moving railroad ties, landscape timbers, and other miscellaneous branches and trees to a burn pit at our brother-in-law's house. We would load a borrowed trailer up with said materials, then we would pull said trailer to Bobby's where we would unload the materials into the pit. Everything was great until the last load. For some twisted reason, the powers that be decided that rain was the best option between Drew's house and Bobby's. By the time we reached Bobby's house, it had evidentally rained rather hard. We got the Expedition and the trailer stuck in the mud while trying to traverse the incline toward the burn pit. He had to block the trailer tires and unhook it from the Expedition. Drew drove the Expedition as I pushed it clear of the area we dug into (all the while covering myself in mud from the tires spinning). We were then forced to carry most of the timbers, ties, branches, etc uphill approximately 125-130 yards to the pit. Once we removed about three-fourths of the load, we tried manually moving the trailer. We were able to pull/push it about thirty yards. We decided it was more effective for us to completely empty the trailer before trying to do anything else.

We succeeded in removing everything from the trailer. The tricky part was to get out of there. Period. So, I had my brother bring the Expedition back down to the trailer. We were able to turn the trailer, hook it back to the Expedition, and drive out relatively painlessly. Later, my sister-in-law made turkey burgers (that almost made me sick... not her fault), then Drew, Tam, the girls, and I took off to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (my second time... hehe).

I went to another birthday thing on Sunday at Saltgrass Steakhouse in FW. This was an extremely painful experience. The father of one of the birthday celebrants is a complete and utter IDIOT. This is no understatement. The man has no couth and just blurts out anything he wants (at an extremely unreasonable volume). To make matters worse, he was pounding margaritas left and right. It took every ounce of strength for me not to just stand up, grab the chair I was sitting in, and knock him out the window with it. ARGH! Even thinking about it now gets my blood boiling. Deep breath...

Anyhow, I took my mom with me that night to go bowling with a friend of mine from high school. It was a lot of fun, and I had not been bowling in several years.

I stayed in Azle Monday to help my mom clean her house. She has been a wreck as of late, and the house reflects that greatly. I cleaned the den and part of her bedroom. We are going to have so many people in town this weekend for the birthday/tournament, so she has been stressing about getting the house ready in town.

I drove back to Austin today. It was relatively painless. Now I am back at the office trying to flesh out some things before I leave town again (Friday). Whew!

Wedding Crashers

I must say that I was taken aback by this film. I had forgotten that it was rated R, so when Vince Vaughn says 'fuck' within the first two or three minutes, I knew I was in for a ride. I laughed so hard through this entire movie. Vaughn and Owen Wilson have such a great chemistry together, and this movie plays off of that quite a bit. Christopher Walken, who just happens to be one of my favorite actors, was in true form here. He is absolutely hilarious.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Wow. That was the first word that uttered from my lips as the credits rolled. This was everything that I could have hoped for. Tim Burton's imagination and Johnny Depp's amazing versatility really prove a lethal combination in this film. I thought everyone did such a good job. And as usual, Danny Elfman's score (and vocals for the oompa loompa songs) was absolutely brilliant. I loved what he did with the oompa loompa songs. They were so much fun. That is all I have right now, but I am sure I will add more later.

Current Podcast:
Dave Cusick's Post Modern Rock Show

Current Playlist (It's been all about movies lately):
Batman Begins by Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard
Fight Club by The Dust Brothers
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou by Various Artists
Requiem for a Dream: Remixed by Various Artists

Run For Covers!!

2005-07-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

I was asked the other day what I thought about cover songs. I will only say this once, kiddies, so pay attention:

If a cover song is done artistically and fun, I have no problem. In fact, I really love a good cover song. I just hate when a band completely mutilates a good tune. For example, I LOVE the Dismemberment Plan. I think they were a terrific band with a great sound. However, their cover of The Cure's Close to Me is both horrifying and sad. Also, The Shins have a pretty lackluster cover of The Postal Service's We Will Become Silhouettes on the vinyl release of TPS's Give Up.

Here are some of my favorite covers (in no particular order, of course):

- Against All Odds by The Postal Service (Phil Collins)
- Black Steel by Tricky (Public Enemy)
- How Soon is Now by Quicksand (The Smiths)
- Let Down by Pedro the Lion (Radiohead)
- Alec Eiffel by Get Up Kids (Pixies)
- Killing Moon by Pavement (Echo & the Bunnymen)
- Such Great Heights by Iron & Wine (The Postal Service)
- Ring of Fire by Social Distortion (Johnny Cash)
- Mad World by Gary Jules (Tears for Fears)
- One More Cup of Coffee by White Stripes (Bob Dylan)
- Knives Out by The Flaming Lips (Radiohead)
- Smash it Up by Offspring (The Damned)
- Enjoy the Silence by Failure (Depeche Mode)
- We Dance by Cat Power (Pavement)
- Tiny Dancer by Ben Folds (Elton John)
- On With the Show by Get Up Kids (Motley Crue)
- This Charming Man by Death Cab for Cutie (The Smiths)
- Last Caress by Metallica (Misfits)
- Sexual Healing by Ben Harper (Marvin Gaye)
- Sounds of Silence by Emiliana Torrini (Simon and Garfunkel)
- White Rabbit by The Damned (Jefferson Airplane)
- Darling Nikki by Foo Fighters (Prince)
- Savory by Deftones with Jonah [from Far] (Jawbox)
- Kid A by John Mayer (Radiohead)
- Folsom Prison Blues by Reverend Horton Heat (Johnny Cash)
- Bigmouth Strikes Again by Placebo (The Smiths)
- Mr. Grieves by TV on the Radio (Pixies)
- Never Let Me Down Again by Smashing Pumpkins (Depeche Mode)
- Come to Daddy by Dillinger Escape Plan with Mike Patton (Aphex Twin)
- Luno by Death From Above 1979 (Bloc Party)
- Wish You Were Here by Radiohead (Pink Floyd)
- Motor Away by Pleasant Grove (Guided By Voices)
- War Pigs by Faith No More (Black Sabbath)
- Suddenly Everything Has Changed by The Postal Service (The Flaming Lips)
- Wild in the Streets by Hot Water Music (Circle Jerks)
- Modern Romance by TV on the Radio (Yeah Yeah Yeahs)
- Where is My Mind? by Nada Surf (Pixies)
- In Between Days by Face to Face (The Cure)
- To Have and To Hold by Deftones (Depeche Mode)
- Landslide by Smashing Pumpkins (Fleetwood Mac)
- Comfortably Numb by Scissor Sisters (Pink Floyd)
- Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want by Muse (The Smiths)
- Trust in Me by Siouxsie and the Banshees (Richard and Robert Sherman from Disney's The Jungle Book)
- Down in the Park by Foo Fighters (Gary Newman)
- Just What I Needed by Replicants (The Cars)
- Army of Me by Helmet (Bjork)
- Honey Pie by The Pixies (Beatles)
- Every cover Johnny Cash has ever done, especially the contemporary ones (i.e. Thirteen from Danzig, Hurt from Nine Inch Nails, Personal Jesus from Depeche Mode, Rusty Cage from Soundgarden, etc)
- Every cover on Tendril's 5 Covers 45rpm double-vinyl release (including songs from Motley Crue, Lisa Loeb, Garth Brooks, David Lynch, and Willie Nelson)
- Both of Christopher O'Riley's tributes to Radiohead (True Love Waits: O'Riley Plays Radiohead and Hold Me To This: Christopher O'Riley Plays Radiohead)
- Brad Mehldau's covers (Radiohead, Beatles, etc)
- Anything by Richard Cheese
- Anything by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

My covers list is long, but there are so many great covers out there. If you have a favorite cover I have not listed, let me know and I'll check it out (if I don't already have it).

Current Podcast:
KCRW's Politics of Culture

Current Playlist:
Maxinquaye by Tricky
Eight Track Demos by Jump Rope Girls
They Threw Us All in a Trench and Stuck a Monument on Top by Liars
Urban Hymns by The Verve
Elephant Riders by Clutch

A Compilation for Your Aural Pleasure

2005-07-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

I made a mix CD for a friend a few weeks ago, so I decided to share the tracklist here... just in case you would like to make one for yourself.

01 Everything is Everything from the album Alphabetical by Phoenix
02 Certain Tragedy from the album Gotham! by Radio 4
03 I Turn My Camera On from the album Gimme Fiction by Spoon
04 The Fold Out from the album Kill Them with Kindness by The Jealous Sound
05 Twin Camera from the album Twin Cinema by The New Pornographers
06 Goodnight Goodnight from the album Elevator by Hot Hot Heat
07 Yeti from the album The Milk of Human Kindness by Caribou
08 LSF (Lost Souls Forever) from the album Kasabian by Kasabian
09 Ever Fallen in Love? from the album Singles Going Steady by Buzzcocks
10 Embers by Shots Before Sunset
11 Ophelia from the album Ambulance LTD by Ambulance LTD
12 Sleep on Needles from the album Face Down by Sondre Lerche
13 The Plaque at 16ft from the album The Art of Leaving by Pleasant Grove
14 All the Wine from the album Alligator by The National
15 Bells from the album Axes by Electrelane
16 Ataraxia from the album Team Sleep by Team Sleep
17 I Never Wanted You from the album Headphones by Headphones
18 Born Into the World from the album Always Never Again by Supersystem
19 New Health Rock from the EP New Health Rock by TV on the Radio

Enjoy!

Bright Green Pastures Lie Ahead

2005-07-11T13:33:00.000-07:00

Well, folks, it looks as if things are looking great for me in the few months ahead. I have the opportunity to make over ten thousand dollars over the next two months with some projects I have coming my way. I will be doing several things for a medical project that will net me close to seven thousand, some more music that will bring me three thousand, and two other projects that, combined, will bring in another thousand. This is indeed a glorious day. Plus, I have been working on my sections of our new website which, barring unforeseen circumstances, will be launched August One. Yesssssssssss.

Other than that, I have been pretty low-key for the past couple of days. I have been madly trying to contact people to double-check RSVPs for the party. It is excitementa majora. My mother is in Tokyo right now (the snot!). She is my aunt's "buddy" for the year (my aunt is a flight attendant for Continental Airlines, and she gets to assign a 'buddy' for the year that she can fly anywhere for free). So far, she has only been to Amsterdam and now Tokyo (not counting flights within the Continental US... no pun intended), but she hopes to hit up Paris and Spain before the year is out. I will fight tooth and nail to be her buddy next year :).

I have decided that I am going to take a trip to NYC in October. I have some friends that live there now and my buddy Dave (one of said friends) has offered his place for me to stay. I have not been back in a couple of years, so I am really psyched about the idea of returning.

Current Podcast:
Suicide Girls Radio

Current Playlist:
Eathquake Glue by Guided By Voices
Two Way Monologue by Sondre Lerche
dubnobasswithmyheadman by Underworld
This is Meant to Hurt You by These Arms are Snakes
Japanese Whispers by The Cure
Relationship of Command by At the Drive-In

O' River, Thou Art a Foul Temptress...

2005-07-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

It is Saturday, July 9th, and I am at work. I am supposed to be floating the Guadalupe River right now. However, I just have too many things on my plate. *growl* Oh, well.

I am preparing for a few things over the next couple of weeks. First off, I am eagerly awaiting July 15th and the release of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I will be seeing an early show of it that day. I cannot WAIT! Also on that day, I will be waiting for the clock to stike midnight so July 15th may turn into the 16th. Why, you ask? Because I am a nerd. The new Harry Potter novel, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out then. For the last two books, I have pre-ordered them through Borders Books and Music and have attended their midnight release parties. Hey, stop looking at me that way. I love the books, what can I say? They are very well written with an engrossing story and life lessons to be learned. Nevermind the 'witch and wizard' aspect of it. Over-zealous right-wing christian fundamentalist groups take that part WAY too literally. It is really annoying to me that when something so phenominally good comes out, they want to bash it, saying it's 'another tool of the Devil'. Give me a fucking break. Seriously. I HATE close-minded individuals. I was amused, however, to learn from a catholic friend that her younger priest used some Star Wars references during a sermon. I think that is hilarious! Oh, well. I had better jump from my soap box before I get pelted with rotten vegetables and fruit.

Next, after I have stayed up all night reading as far as I can through HBP, I will be driving up to Aledo for my brother's birthday. We will be seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (time numbah two for me) and probably going out to dinner.

The next round of fun for me will be on July 23rd. We are having a huge party at my brother's house to celebrate both his and my birthdays. We sent out over 110 invitations, and have already received 45 RSVPs. It is going to be huge. And Jaimeson, if you are reading this, RSVP, beyotch!! I need to call you. Anyhow, it should be a crazy time. We're doing a Hold 'Em thing to coincide with the party. Wow. Several cousins are coming into town, as well as old friends from school I have not seen in quite some time. Good times, good times.

There is then, of course, the anniversary of my father's death. He died on July 28th of last year (the day before my birthday). I do not know if I am going to go up to Azle for this or not. I am leaning more toward 'probably not'.

My birthday is the next day, and I told my friends here in Austin that this year had better be more festive than last year. They agreed, so I think we may hang and get our drink on. Who knows. It is always so up in the air with this crew. They are awesome.

After all of that is said and done, things are up in the air from there. My ten-year high school reunion is in August. I doubt I will go. Most of the people I want to see or talk to are the ones I already keep in touch with. There are a few others I wonder about on occasion, but they are the types of people that would not go either. So, I am still undecided on the whole deal.

Growing old sucks. I remember when I was younger, I could not wait to be older. I wanted to do what I want, when I want to. However, now is not really that different. I just ache longer when I do anything athletic, have a harder time recovering from a hangover, etc. Oh, well. It had to happen sooner or later. ;)

Apart from that, I am doing great (for those of you who care). I am working up a storm and getting by. I hope everyone is doing well.

Current Podcast:
KCRW's Music Exchange

Current Playlist:
On My Way by Ben Kweller
Neon Handshake by Hell is For Heroes
Ghosts of the Great Highway by Sun Kil Moon
It's a Wonderful Life by Sparklehorse
Don't Turn Away by Face to Face

"Yeah, Well... Sometimes Nothin' Can Be a Real Cool Hand.."

2005-07-07T17:03:00.000-07:00

I'm a gambler, DAWG, I thought you knew!

I was able to play Hold 'Em last night for the first time in a very long while. I enjoyed myself. Unfortunately, I sipped a little too much of 'the sauce', so I am paying for it today. Oh, well. A good time was had by all. I only ended up paying ten bucks for playing several hours. At one point, I was down deep, but I turned it around and went way up. I fluxuated quite a bit last night since it had been a while, coupled with the fact that I like to size up players that are unfamiliar to me. Toby, Danny, John Greenwood, Gerry, and Tim played, along with myself. I wish JG and Callie could have been there. I think that would have been cool, also. Anyhow, I missed playing cards. I do not ever bet a substantial amount of cash; I just enjoy the sport.

I may be floating the Guadalupe this weekend. I have not done that in quite a while. It depends on what work is looking like for the rest of the weekend. It was slow today, so I made some avatars for Darren's OZ site. It was fun. I just spent the day looking for random retarded pics to use. It was awesome.

Well, I have been talked into keeping my MySpace and Friendster sites. I doubt I will be on them much, though. It is just not something I enjoy anymore. Oh, well. You cannot win them all.

I had a Firefly marathon on Monday. I watched the entire series straight through. I cannot wait for Serenity. It should be great!

Current Podcast:
In Our Time

Current Playlist:
Neon Handshake by Hell is for Heroes
Lost Souls by Doves
The Three EPs by Beta Band
Funeral by The Arcade Fire
Know By Heart by American Analog Set

Post Script:

2005-07-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

I forgot to add at the bottom of my last post (and am too lazy just to edit the old one) that I made a little 'signature bar' for a message board I frequent. Some of these will be obvious, but I will list them anyway:

1. the Stormtrooper Crossbones t-shirt design from Hot Topic - People give Hot Topic a hard time, but they have some cool pop culture and nostalgia merchandise there.

2. Johnny Depp as Edward Scissorhands - One of my favorite actors in one of my favorite films by one of my favorite directors.

3. The Spade Tattoo - This is what resides on my left wrist.

4. "Halloween" - This is a painting by Chris Thompson.

5. Come and Take It Flag - Here is a bit of Texas History for you.

6. Han Solo - The MAN.

Why I Love and Hate MySpace/Friendster

2005-07-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

Hold on to something... I may bitch a while.

When I first signed on to Friendster, I had no idea what to do. It was not user-friendly, and I just hated the general aesthetic of the site. So, I ignored it for a while. Jaime told me a while later about MySpace. I loved MySpace at first. It was really easy to navigate, and I had control over the look and feel of my page. I was even able to use a nickname (good fun, good fun).The bulletins and blogs were both neat, as well as the groups and the networking, etc. After a while, I even began liking Friendster. Now that I have been on them both for a while, I have become increasingly negative regarding both. I will divide my points into love and hate:

I Love...

1) ... being able to reconnect with old friends I had not seen in a very long time (on MySpace: Lisa, JT, Darin, Starkey, Tammie, Leslie, Mo, Johnny, Rachel, etc... on Friendster: Christina, Jessica, etc).
2) ... being able to list my favorite movies/music/books/etc (I am deeply embedded into the arts, and love every chance I can get to rant about my favs...).
3) ... keeping up with the aspects of said movies/music/books/etc (mostly on MySpace through bulletins, etc).

I Hate...

1) ... the fact that 9.5 times out of ten, (mostly) crappy bands and fake people trying to get me to join their single sites are the only people trying to add me as a friend. I get so excited when I get an e-mail telling me that someone was trying to add me as a friend, only to find the crowd mentioned above.
2) ... blogging in two spots (I like it here better... you think?).
3) ... getting bored with my list of favorites (I constantly rearrange them... a chore I am tiring of, but I do not want to leave them alone, either. Go figure).
4) ... not receiving messages I know people have sent (bastard Friendster).
5) ... having a message one minute, only to find it gone the next (bastard MySpace).

With these facts in mind, I have considered closing both accounts. I have not decided one hundred percent, but I am just bored with them. They both seem so empty to me. I know people that thrive on those sites, meeting people and running around with them outside of the 'Net, but I guess I am not that outgoing. Growl.

Current Podcast:
Space Junk Radio

Current Playlist:
Downward is Heavenward by Hum
Louden Up Now by !!!
Alien Lanes by Guided By Voices
Poison Rays of Sound by Gravity Propulsion System
Danse Macabre by The Faint

Love in the Time of Radiohead

2005-07-05T17:19:00.000-07:00

"You are the sun, the moon, the stars..." - You

I love that song... Actually, I love this whole album. I think people bash it so much because of the radio play Creep received. That really is a shame, considering that Pablo Honey is a great album. I have been revisiting it lately to prep for our cover of You.

I really must profess my love for Radiohead. I find that the more they explore their musical boundaries and break them, I love them even more. I remember a time when I was living in Fort Worth. Ratliff called me and asked if I had heard the new Radiohead yet. I replied that I had not, considering that it had not been released yet. He said, "Get on Napster and search for 'Studio Kid A'. You should be able to find it that way."

With his advice, I complied and searched Napster's database. Sure enough, I was able to get all of the tracks. It truly blew my mind. I had all of RH's albums up until that point and was thoroughly impressed (especially with OK Computer). However, when I heard the opening of Everything in its Right Place, I knew I had something special. I bought the album when it was finally released (I am an album art hound). My girlfriend at the time hated it (she was an idiot), but I played it over and over. I could not get enough of it.

My love was pushed even further with the release of Amnesiac. I bought the special edition hardbound book that kept the CD nestled in a library-card style pocket. For some reason, I had let Hail to the Thief slip through the cracks. I eventually bought it, though, and I enjoy listening to that as well.

Good stuff.

Current Podcast:
Zero Distortion

Current Playlist:
Up In Them Guts by Planes Mistaken for Stars
The Art of Leaving by Pleasant Grove
The Rise and Fall of The Tomatoes by Tomatoes
I am the Current Taste by Roadside Monument
The Cat and the Cobra by Les Savy Fav

Random Blurbs from Neo-Tokyo...

2005-07-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

.... Or not. :)
I have returned to the self-proclaimed 'Live Music Capital of the World'. Wow. What a weekend this has been. I will break it down:

Friday
First off, I awoke at the crack of dawn (hey, 6am is REALLY early for me) to play one more game of tennis before John left town for five days. I left Austin at around 8:30am to head to Arlington so I could meet up with my mother and my aunt. We went to see War of the Worlds (yes, I saw it again) then headed to On the Border for a post-movie meal. I really had no rest all day, considering that my cousin and her son came over to my aunt's house afterward. I played the show that night at Division One. Woo Hoo.

Division One
To give an extremely quick background, Division One is not in the best of neighborhoods. Division Street in Arlington is a little run-down, to say the least. So, I was the first of my band to arrive at the club at 8pm. I met some of the other band members from the three bands we opened for. I will break them down:

Tomatoes - This band is from New Orleans. I picked up their CD that night. They have an early-nineties garage rock/pre-grunge sound that sometimes emulates Nirvana, sometimes Iron Maiden, etc. It sounds like a strange mix, but I enjoyed it. They are a three-piece.

Housefly Army - This band is from the D/FW area. They were pretty cool. The guys in the band were all really cool. The main guitarist had torn a ligament in his shoulder, so he was hurting. However, he was a true trooper and played the show. They had a modern rock sound that sometimes borderlines 'shoegazing'. They are a four-piece.

Jake Crawford Band - This kid, Jake Crawford... H-O-L-Y CRAP! This kid can play some guitar, let me tell you. They are mostly a cover band, but they shred the covers they play. They did Hendrix, Sabbath, everything. The bass player and drummer were both awesome as well. The bass player was really cool. He seemed to really dig our sound.

So, we played a horrible set and I stuck around to hear the rest of the bands. Bob was the first to leave. Lance and Paul stayed for Tomatoes and part of Housefly Army, but they scurried out during their set. I ended up getting back to mom's at around three thirty.

Saturday
Mother woke me up at 8am. She was leaving to go to a Comedy Defensive Driving School with my brother (they both received tickets on their respective ways back from Austin... Leadfeet!). I did some things around the house for her and headed out of Azle at around 10am. Traffic was a terribly horrible three-toed sloth, so it took me a little longer to get home. I hauled tail to my apartment to grab my bathing suit and towel, then drove like a freshly-escaped maniac over to Mike and Erin's. I was to follow them out to Spicewood where the pre-fourth of July party was to be held.
We arrived at a little after three. We started in on the beer and sat to hang and talk. Toby and Dana showed a bit later, along with Mike and Melissa Wilson. Toby decided that we needed to play basketball, so Brannon and I took on him and Wilson for a game of two-on-two. We have never been known to be the brightest stars in the universe, and yesterday was no exception. It had to have been around 104 degrees and the driveway with the goal was not shaded. Well, we were going to play to ten, but after a couple of points, we decided we were playing to five. Brannon and I won, but it was close. In fact, we stated that you had to win by two, and I think the final was 8-6. I immediately took off to the pool, and even though the water was warm, it felt so good. I cooled off and we hung out some more.
A little later, Toby decided it was time to play again, so we four travelled back to the driveway for another round to five. Brannon and I won again, much to Toby's dismay, and I went back to the pool. By then, I think I had about seven or eight bottles of water. In fact, by the time I went home (at about 1am or so), it had been several hours since I had even had a beer.
Overall, it was a great night until I was ready to go home. My keys had disappeared (side note: I am notorious for losing things when we all go out or go to a party. So far, I have lost my phone, my glasses, and my shoes... but, this time it was not my fault. Read on). After scouring the entire grounds, we learned that someone had accidentally picked them up, thinking they were theirs, and had taken them upstairs. So, I got my keys and drove home. Once there, I hopped in the shower, then climbed into bed and crashed HARD.

Sunday
I did not wake until around one fifteen or so this afternoon. I was exhausted. I took off over to Callie's to check on the cats, feed them, etc. I hung out there for a while, playing with the cats and watching Firefly. I then trekked up here to work to get a couple of things done. I am about to head home now.

Current Podcast:
Underground on Retroforward Radio

Current Playlist:
Souljacker by Eels
High Society by Enon
Vocal Studies + Uprock Narratives by Prefuse 73
Melody A.M. by Royksopp
Out of the Shadow by Rogue Wave

Off to Dallas/Fort Worth!

2005-07-01T06:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I am about to hit the road. I am heading to D/FW to play a show in Arlington. I have to turn around, though, and head back the next morning (bummer). To all my friends that are coming out, I will see you soon!

................
New Podcast:
Dave Cusick's Post Modern Rock Show

Current Playlist:
The Fire in Our Throats will Beckon the Thaw by Pelican
This is What I Know About Being Gigantic by Minus the Bear
Terrorhawk by Bear Vs Shark
Jet Generation by Guitar Wolf

Current Read:
Hip: The History by John Leland

The Greatness of the Podcast

2005-06-30T15:48:00.000-07:00

I just updated my iTunes today and learned of the greatness that is the podcast. This is awesome. It is like listening to the radio, but it allows me to skip over anything that bores me. Nice. These are my subscriptions so far (I just started):

1. Accident Hash - "A Boston-based music podcast playing nothing but the best mix in podsafe music from New England and beyond. Hosted by filmmaker, father, and all-around web freak C.C. Chapman."

2. The Rock and Roll Geek Show - "The greatest rock and roll that you have probably never heard of. Interviews and geek talk from a rock and roll geek."

3. The Monday Show with Sara Routh/Indie Airplay (this one kicks off on Monday, July 4th) - "Your independent radio station."

4. The Beat Oracle - "The Beat Oracle. Experimental Electronic and Underground Hip Hop."

5. KCRW's Bookworm - "Intellectual, accessible, and provocative book talk."

6. KCRW's Music Exchange - "Weekly music exchange with BBC DJ Steve Lamacq."

This is so rad. I am really enjoying this!

"I'm So Excited....

2005-06-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

... I just can't hide it... I know I know I know I know I know..."

Sorry. This is so funny. It feels like Christmas Eve on the anticipation of the present-opening ritual the following morning. In approximately one hour and twenty minutes, I will be resting comfortably in stadium seating, eagerly awaiting the opening title sequence of War of the Worlds. I absolutely loved the original and am a huge Spielberg fan, so I cannot wait to see it. I have cheated a little bit and read some online reviews, but there really were not any spoilers.

Well, I am certainly well-rested now. I slept my seven hours hard and I am back at it. I had a really funny, wacked-out dream. It was a combination of several things:

a) The Destin Wedding and everyone involved,
b) The Most Dangerous Game,
c) and my office at Real Normal.

It was actually rather hilarious, the way the three interweaved. At one point, John, Jay and I were preparing for a party at Dana's Dad's house (a). However, instead of the house being in a neighborhood (as it is in reality), it was set into some trees and had a beautiful beach and ocean/lake (couldn't tell which) on the backside. It seemed everything was under control, so I decided to get some work done. I walked toward the back of the house and opened a white door at the end of a hall. It was my office (c). I sat down and started plugging away at the computer. I was mid-sip on a daquiri (what?) when Jay bursts in.
"Hey, man," he slurred heavily, "you gotta take care 'a your boy."
"Who?" I replied.
"John... he's to drunk tuh drive.."
I reassured him that everything would be fine and that we were not driving anywhere for quite some time. He left me to my work.
The next thing I remember is walking back out the door and being in a lagoon. It was beautiful, but people were hollering and shooting at me (b). I laughed for a moment, but the seriousness of the situation set in and I began to run. I fended my way through the thick of the jungle and ended up on the street next to a Greyhound-style tour bus. There was a short line of people filing into it. I looked closed closer and realized it was Toby, John, Mike, Darren, Dana, Andrea, and the rest of the crew (a). I climbed into the bus with them and we took off.
When I awoke, I could not help but laugh. That was one of the strangest, funniest dreams I have had in a while. I smiled, shook off the morning and climbed into the shower.

The Self-Loathing of a Perfectionist, the Purchase of New York, and the Cruise Missile from Hell

2005-06-29T23:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is 1:33am, and yes, I am at work. I actually made it home, was able to undress and climb into bed before I realized I missed something on the brochure. I thought about doing it first thing tomorrow... er... today, but I want to sleep in. So here we are, uploading the *now-final* version. Argh.

One upside to this is that I stumbled upon a band I had never heard of. I love their sound. The band is Purchase New York. One of my fellow OZers has this band as one of the links on his blog. If you click 'music on', the site will play two tracks that are also available for download in the media section (Inetherology and Nine Mile Drag).

On the movie front, I want to see War of the Worlds pretty badly despite Tom Cruise's recent extracurricular episodes of moronism (i.e. Oprah, Vs. Matt Lauer, Vs. Psychology, "We are not alone", etc). Celeb shenanigans outside of a film rarely deter me from seeing a recent movie they star in. I heard of big groups boycotting Cinderella Man because Russell Crowe threw a telephone at a guy. C'mon. Seriously. Cinderella Man is actually a good film regardless of how much of an idiot the star is. I am not a fan of Russell Crowe on a personal level, but I respect the man's acting chops. You cannot please everyone, I suppose.
However, I feel I must weigh in a little on this whole 'Tom' foolery (heh... get it? hahaha... boy I am tired). I do not claim to know everything (at least not very often *wink*), but geezus, Tommy... I know I am just feeding the flame here, but damn, man. Have you seen the Oprah footage? He was ripping on psychiatry and drug prescriptions of that nature on the Today Show, but he looked like he was on all kinds of uppers on Oprah. Wow. It makes me laugh when I watch it, but it also makes me a bit sad. He stated that psychiatry is a pseudo-science and comments of that nature. I have a few friends that would not be alive today had it not been for professional help. Scientology's got your brain, Tommy! Run while you still can!

... and as the eyes began to blur....

2005-06-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

It is now 11:51pm and I am still at work. This makes it three nights in a row past 11pm. What can I say? I do some of my best work later in the evening/night. Anyhow, I am just waiting on a brochure to upload onto our server. I just completed a tri-fold brochure for a company in Houston called Matrix Lubricants. Before you dirty minds snicker and scoff, Matrix Lubricants makes premium motor oils. Their big product right now is the Formula MX4 Full Synthetic Oil. It is supposedly really awesome. I would not know for sure because I have not personally experienced the greatness that is Formula MX.
I did a t-shirt design for them earlier this year (--->), but I have no idea if they used it or not. Oh, well... and don't blame me for the font. That was all them, man. Anyhow, we are supposed to shoot some commercials for them soon as well, to my understanding. They did a huge model search and everything.

On a completely different subject, I had the most interesting incident occur yesterday. Actually, it was a bit sad and made me think back on a certain era in my life. The scene found us near the tennis courts in the early evening. John and I had planned to play tennis, but because of a comedy of errors, we were running a bit behind. John requested a stopover at the convenience store not thirty feet from the courts. I pulled in and waited in the car as he bounded through the store doors. As I was enjoying The Reclamation Process from The Rise, I vaguely heard a voice, coming not from my car stereo, but from my left ear. A wiry little fellow by the approximate age of late teens-early twenties had approached my door.
"Say, man," he spoke in urban slang, "Whereya headed? Are you going up north? If I gave you some gas money, doya think you could run me up there?"
I declined his most generous offer verbally and with a shrug, explaining that I was going just thirty feet from where I was then parked. I apologized nicely and he moved on. I went almost two years without a car when I lived in Fort Worth, so I could definitely sympathize with him.

I actually remember a time when I was living in North Richland Hills and working in Carrollton (sadly, I was not on crack, but should have been for driving that f'ing distance every day). I worked the 3pm to 11pm shift at Stream International, a computer tech support hub. I was so wired in that I would stay past my shift almost every night and spend countless hours in a Cure chat room, talking to girls I would never meet (Hopeless? Why, yes I am). One particular late night, Joey (one of my then-roommates) and I headed home at around 2am. We were supposed to meet with my friend Bob that morning at around 6am at our apartment.
Well, we ran out of gas approximately twenty-five miles away from home. We trekked to a nearby 24-hour Albertson's to call Bob, but he was dead asleep. We were both easy-going, so Joey and I shrugged and began our journey. We walked the entire distance that night. It took us the whole time, too. I cannot remember a time where my feet hurt so bad. Bob had eventually gotten our message and had been driving up and down the highway looking for us. Unfortunately, he did not know the side streets like we did. We were crazy kids.

Musings from the Land of Knife

2005-06-29T14:41:00.000-07:00

I e-mailed my friend Brooke at around midnight last night to wish her a happy birthday. It was 11pm in L.A. (where she currently resides). That was fun. I think I surprised her, because she e-mailed right back to give me a hard time for still being at work.

I just heard this band today called Pelican. A message-board friend tuned me into them. I like their sound and can be found here. They sometimes remind me of Explosions In the Sky. I dig it.

Murphy and I are So Close We Should Be Brothers

2005-06-28T22:25:00.000-07:00

"If anything can go wrong, it will."

I really should just keep quiet. The missing blog has been found, and I am sure that ** will read it and become extremely upset with me. Actually, I put too much stock into the thought that people may actually care what I say. I doubt she even thinks of me, let alone gets upset about what I say. I doubt anyone even reads these. Oh, well. I do this more for me than anything else.

On a side note, I have been listening to a Radiohead marathon and have enjoyed every weepy moment.

Blogs Can be Very Vexing

2005-06-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I just posted a huge 'vent blog', basically an entire blog devoted to me bitching about something or other. However, it has somehow disappeared (even though it listed as 'published'). I was rather ired at first, but I realize now how therapeutic it was. I actually feel better, and just in case the girl I was bitching about reads this (I highly doubt it), no feelings will be hurt. Cool. Of course, I say this now but with my luck, the blog will reappear just in time for her to decide, "You know what? I'm going to read his blog. I have nothing better to do and I'm sure he has something fascinating to say."

Black Heart: A Tale of Woe

2005-06-28T21:32:00.000-07:00

Wow. I am having serious issues today. I do not really know how to pin down why I am feeling this way. I think it mostly has to do with a certain friend and her antics. I really think I must love her if I have been around this long. Either that or I am a complete moron. Actually, I am more inclined to believe the latter. This is the same girl I have bitched about in previous posts.

Get This:
She has been dating this retard (no offense to the mentally-handicapped) for about three years. She does not even really like him (so she says), but since they live together, she decided to stay... until recently (Mind you, for the past year or so, she has been telling me off and on that she has feelings for me, blah blah blah). Supposedly, she has been slowly packing her things here and there and placing them in storage (I am getting some of this second-hand, considering the fact that she has been avoiding me like the plague for some reason), fully intending to leave him last weekend (6/18... the day of my show at Clearview that she so conveniently 'missed'). Well, I tried calling her last week to see how things were going, and I could not get a hold of her to save my life. She called one time and had to immediately go. Since then, I have been unable to reach her. I get a cryptic e-mail from her today that reads:

Subject: OMG

I have been crazee ,

Sunday night I left *** . I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I just checked my messages.
I have been avoiding *** and I knew the only way to do it is by turning my cell off. [NOTE: She is NOTORIOUS for leaving her cell phone off so she does not have to talk to anyone... not just in this situation...]

That was it. I then got a message from her on MySpace (which I am beginning to loathe for some reason... I will get to that sometime later) tonight that read:

Subject: Re: Hello

Hey Baby , I am not doing too well. I left *** on Sunday just to go back to him on Monday and now I am just confused. I have had my cell off to avoid talking to him. I am going to call you tommorrow and explain. I am not avoiding you. Luv u

I am probably making no sense right now since I tend to ramble incoherently when I am upset, angry, or otherwise. However, the jist of this is that this girl has sent me emotionally spiralling out of control before, and I know that she is due to do it again soon. I just do not handle this well. Call me a pansy, call me what you will, but I am a rather emotional person. I inherited that from my mother. My brother received a stoic nature from Dad, and I got the emotional spin cycle from Mom.

I just need to get over her. I would like to meet some girls to hang out with here in Austin. The only problem with meeting girls here, though, is that they all tend to presume I automatically want to date them and they freak out. I just must be sending out the wrong signals. My problem is that I am usually a gentleman. Maybe if I just acted like a blatant dick, I might get girls to hang out with me.

I hate all of this. It really pisses me off. I should just be done with it. That's it. I am never calling another girl again (yeah, right... maybe not for a couple of hours).

The Stomach's Resignation Letter

2005-06-27T22:49:00.000-07:00

Moon River... Wider than a mile... I'll be crossing you in style someday. Oh, Dream Maker, you heartbreaker... wherever you're going, I'm going your way.

*sigh* Ol' Morrissey and your crooning.

I have to be in the mood to listen to him, but I love his stuff. I have had friends give me a hard time because of the whole 'only gay people listen to Morrissey' argument, but I know quite a few straight guys (including myself) who enjoy his music.

My Body Hates Me

I just finished playing tennis and I am sore as hell. My body hates me so bad that my stomach wrote me a letter of resignation. It read something like this:

Mr. The Knife:

I, Stomach Von Eatenston, III, do hereby submit my two-week notice of resignation as of Monday, June 27, 2005. I have held the post for almost twenty-eight years, and I am just unable to continue. I contemplated staying on until you found a replacement, but I can deal with this abuse no longer.

For one, you stuff countless amounts of fast food into me, yet still expect me to perform well. The coup de gras, sir, was this evening during your tennis drills. You spent lunch at Taco Bell (damn you), yet you expected me to keep the rest of your body in line while running from side to side on the court. Are you insane? Back concurs.

Secondly, I hope you do not take this the wrong way, but you are a lush. When you drink alcoholic beverages, you know not the meaning of moderation. Liver and I just cannot handle that anymore. We worked better at twenty-one, but as we are closing in on thirty, we request that you slow it down considerably.

I do have to admit that you have been better. You stopped drinking soft drinks, and you have increased your water intake. Kindneys thank you. I am really sorry that we have to part, but as I said, I am getting old and cannot handle your lifestyle any longer. I will stay on post until Monday, July 11, 2005. I wish you all the best.

Sincerely,
Stomach Von Eatenston, III

Can you believe that crap? My stomach wants to leave. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Mr. Eatenston is not going anywhere. Unless he finds a way to grasp a knife and cut his way out, he is staying exactly where he is. Bastard.

Boy, am I Smart...

2005-06-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

There I was, thinking I was intelligent for knowing the Tom Savini connection between Romero's latter Dead films, until...
I was perusing Creature Corner, as I am sometimes known to do, and realized that Tom Savini was reprising his character, Blades, from the original Dawn of the Dead. I really should have noticed, with him wearing the same clothes and everything; unfortunately, I did not. Here is the story:

In Dawn of the Dead, Tom Savini plays Blades (listed as Machete Blade in Land of the Dead), the vicious leader of a notorious biker gang that is pillaging every store they pass in the wake of the dead rising. They attack the mall where our protagonists are holed up and end up letting zombies overrun it. Blades ends up being caught by the zombies and turned. Now, in Land of the Dead, he plays the same character as a zombie. What a fun bit of trivia!

Land of the Dead

2005-06-26T13:53:00.000-07:00

I did end up seeing Land of the Dead yesterday. I have written somewhat of a review here. Long story short, I give it a C+.

The Wonderful Neko Case

2005-06-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe I failed to mention this while pining over the opposite sex... I went to see Neko Case at Antone's on Tuesday with John and Callie. I love Neko. She really reminds me of old country. She has this voice that just captivates me. It does not hurt that she is gorgeous. Oh, well.

I am probably going to see Land of the Dead in a few minutes. I may or may not write a review. I am a huge zombie-genre fan, so I hope it is good. In other movie news, I saw Batman Begins (again) on Wednesday. It was just as good the second time around.

As a post script, I thought I would mention that I am listening to Sigor Ros's Agaetis Byrjun right now (an album I probably have not listened to in a year and a half) and enjoying every non-English minute of it.

The Inevitable Emptiness of The Species 'Baboonus Briannocaucus'

2005-06-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

I really came to a harsh conclusion the other day as I sat and contemplated the directions my life has gone over the last eight years. I believe I am too idiosyncratic to ever date anyone seriously. Before you laugh at my self-doubt, take a little dip into my suck-o-meter:

One: I have only met one girl who likes almost all the things I do. She just happens to be an idiot (and I mean that in the most loving way... plus, I am not denying that I, myself, am an idiot). We could never get our paths in the same direction. When I am seeing someone (which is really rare), she like me... when I am not seeing someone, she is. It is really annoying! Maybe there is hope for us down the road, but I honestly think that could never happen. I have been madly in love with this girl for about eight years now, but I have just fallen (as I almost always do with girls) into the 'best friend/brother' role. It just drives me insane. I always seem to do that, and I do not understand why. I guess that when a guy geniunely cares for a girl, that turns them off. It makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a number two pencil.

Two: I have never had a relationship last beyond eight months (that I can recall at this moment in time). Why, you ask? I haven't the slightest clue. Actually, I think girls just get tired of me. Once the effects of my love potion wear off, they realize they have been duped and run for their lives (kidding). I guess my entertainment value wears thin rather quickly.

Three: I am friggin' weird, man. I have a rather free spirit and an extremely quick mind. I find that I can get along with most groups, but I never feel like I belong anywhere. I always feel like I am some interloper jumping the fence at someone's backyard barbeque. I cannot put a pin on why I feel this way or where I got it. I think part of it comes from growing up in a small Texas town. I never felt like I truly fit in there. I was a skate kid surrounded by jocks and cowboys. I played sports and such, too, but I listened to different music, grew out my hair, dressed differently, etc.

Four: I am fat. I am a big guy. Do not give me the 'that doesn't matter' psycho-babble, because no matter how hard you may try and deny it, looks are important these days. That is really why I have stopped caring about my hair and such. It does not matter how long I spend preening and blah blah... because I have broad shoulders and a fair-sized tummy, girls are repulsed. I am not generally a scary person. I am funny and entertaining. I really have to laugh every time I hear a really hot girl talk about how 'I really like guys that are funny and that make me laugh.' What they mean is, "He has to be really funny and make me laugh... and be hot."

I am probably rambling incoherently by now, considering the fact that I have just exhausted myself thinking about this. I just have not met the right person, I guess. I thought I had. It is almost too late for her to prove me wrong.

Miscellaneous Debris for 20 June 2005

2005-06-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

Wow. I survived the weekend. I went out on Friday night in Fort Worth/NRH, played Club Clearview on Saturday night, saw Batman Begins and drove back to Austin on Sunday (I got home around 11:30 pm.... ugh), and had to get up at 7:30am. I am EXHAUSTED!! I will now break the weekend down.

Friday
I drove to Azle (where my mother lives) early in the afternoon to drop some things off at mom's. I then met her and some of her friends for an early dinner at La Playa Maya in Fort Worth. It was rather delicious. I had eaten at the Weatherford location a while back, but this one was even better. After grubbing down, I high-tailed it over to Saginaw to catch my buddy at work. We went to Rack Daddy's that evening (a frequent haunt of his) and had several drinks. Jaime met us out there and a series of misadventures occured (not his fault). I returned to Azle at around 3:45am and crashed the hell out.

Saturday
I awoke around 8:15am or so (dammit) and my mother, the wonderful woman, made breakfast. We gathered our resources and took off to Aledo to my nephew's first birthday party. We enjoyed our time there, then returned to Azle. I had to make a pit stop at the Music Centre to get a fresh set of strings since i annihilated my low E last practice. We went back to the house so I could re-string the bass and play on it for a little while. When it was time for me to leave, I loaded everything into my car and left. Now, the suckiest thing about my car (and there are a few) is the lack of an air conditioner. Leaving close to 6pm, the sun was cooking me to an extra-crispy bake. Avoiding cops and certain traffic death, I sped along I-30 to my destination: Club Clearview. We were told that load-in was at 7pm. However, as I arrived at 7:02pm, the custodian revealed to me that load-in is actually at 7:30-7:45pm. They say 'seven' because, "musicians are always late."
I waited with Jaime, Paul, Lance, and Bob in the sun while awaiting the doors to be open. After we loaded our equipment in, Paul, Lance, Jaime, and I went to Adair's Saloon for a pre-show burger and a couple of Lone Stars. They were rather tasty. There was a country/rockabilly band set up to play, and by the time we left, they were in full swing. I wish I would have caught their name. They were really good. All I remember hearing was that they were from Houston.
The Clearview show that night was great. Chad ran sound for us (bad ass mutha behind the boards) and we sounded the best we have in a long time. The crowd seemed into it and we played a couple of new songs... good times. It was so friggin' hot that night that I was sweating like an ice cube on a stove. The stage lights did not help my dilemma. By the time the show was over, my shirt was completely soaked through. It was then that I committed a giant rock faux pas. The only clean shirt I had was one of our own PPZ shirts, so I changed into it. There's nothing like a little shameless self-promotion. Actually, all I cared about was cooling down. I did not care if it is a no-no or not.
I got to hang with some great friends at Cafe Brazil afterward, then headed back over to Clearview. By the time I got back to Azle, it was near 4am.

Sunday
I awoke Sunday at around 10:30pm. I called my mother (she went to the show last night with my brother and sister-in-law, so she crashed over there) to see that they were doing. They were on their way to brunch. I met them at Lucille's in FW (if you like eggs benedict, they have the best in town) and had a great brunch. Mom and I then took off to see Batman Begins (HOLY SHIT... more on that later) in Weatherford. By the time everything was said and done that I had to finish, I did not leave FW until around 8:20pm. I got back to Austin at around 11:30pm and crashed out. I was so friggin' tired. Actually, I still am. I had to get up at around 7:30 this morning to finish some things at work before noon. *GASP*
So, now that I have competed what I had to get done, I can rest until 5pm (we have a weekly clean-up time at the office).

Jack Knife: The Mythos Behind the Name!

2005-06-16T18:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have completely made this sound like some epic saga that led to me receiving the knickname 'Jack Knife'. In truth, it is bigger. One day whilst travelling the wretched post-apocalyptic Earth, nameless and drained of strength, I happened upon an elderly couple trying to place a small tire upon a large rim. Their aim was to salvage an almost-unsalvageable, rust-covered 2005 Scion xA. Every aspect of the car was now running except for one of the tires. They found a 19" wheel and a 22" rim from a nearby deserted junkyard and were attempting to place it on the left-rear of the car.

"Hello, friend," I called to them, "Are you in need of a helping hand?"

The old man paused for a moment then motioned me over. It seemed he nor his wife spoke a lick of English. I motioned as best as I could that I would attempt to aid them in salvaging their ride. He nodded in agreement and we began our seemingly impossible feat. Using anything and everything from our surroundings, we were able to accomplish our task relatively injury-free. As McGuyver did in his day, I assembled a grouping of tools that included two baking sheets, one 2x4 piece of lumber, a stick of chewing gum, and a tattered shoe that layed nearby.

Once the tire was mounted, the old man offered me a ride through our makeshift sign language. I signed a thanks-but-no-thanks to him. I did not feel it was appropriate for me to try and sign to him that I had no idea who I was or where I was going. He smiled, somehow seeing through my stern facade. His female companion approached from his left with an object wrapped in tattered cloth. She passed it to him, then him to me. He motioned a thank-you, then took two steps back. I smiled, completely touched by this moment. I had done many things for many people and have been thanked for my assistance, but this was the first time I had ever felt truly appreciated. An elderly couple that lacked any kind of verbal communication was able to make me feel what thousands with speech had not been able to.

I began to tuck the gift in my satchel when the old man motioned for me to open it. I slowly unveiled my new gift. As the tattered cloth sent the gift spiraling, I awaited its coming with my other hand. The reveiling of the gift was met with a small thud as a jack knife then rested in my hand. I smiled and instantly knew the meaning behind their kind gesture. It was that day forward that I was known as Jack Knife.

***

I admit it. I went a little overboard. However, I was feeling a little creative, so you will have to afford me some slack. Anyhow, here is the real story for those of you that have begged me for an explanation:

Contrary to popular belief, I did not give myself this name. When I moved to Austin, I began working with a company called Real Normal Productions. They initially hired me for my illustration skills, doing a couple of t-shirt designs. However, the more time I spent around them, the more they learned of my other skills (I write music, do graphic design, motion graphics, etc etc). Mike, a co-worker and friend, stated, "Man, you're like a human swiss army knife. That's what your name should be... the Human Swiss Army Knife."

We all laughed, but as John, Toby, Dana, and I went to lunch that day, there was an epiphany. We had been discussing knicknames and how everyone should have one. John and Toby liked the idea behind 'human swiss army knife', but the name itself was too long and hard to say on the go. John said, "What's a jack knife?"

There was a short debate before both Toby and John reveiled their BlackBerrys and began a google search. After an exhaustive search, it was concluded that 'jack knife' was close enough; hence, the name was born. I have rarely been called otherwise by my Austin crew here. In fact, when we went to Destin, FL in May for Toby and Dana's wedding, they introduced me to other friends and family alike as Jack Knife. Go figure. Anyway, I love it. I have definitely been called worse.

Intro to Psyche of Brian 101

2005-06-15T14:55:00.000-07:00

Intro
Hello family, new friends, friends of old, enemies, lovers, and exes alike. As I did with MySpace, I have followed Jaimeson to BlogSpot or whatever this is. This is my first post, but I am just going to jump right into the fray. I am currently preparing for the show at Club Clearview this weekend. I broke a low 'E' string at practice last week, so I have to get another before the show. However, in true slacker fashion, I have yet to grab one. I will, however, make sure to grab one before Saturday.
Tennis
John and I played tennis again this morning, and I am friggin' tired. John seems to have injured his arm a bit, but now, midday, he seems better. My game has been improving, so I am psyched about that.
Kasabian
I am really excited about the Kasabian show tomorrow night. That should kick some serious anus. I have been really into them as of late, so I am sure I will love the show. It is at the Parish. Shows have been hit or miss there for me. The Dizzee Rascal show was greatness, but the Of Montreal show was not all that great. Oh, well. You can't win 'em all.
Batman Begins
I am really excited about this. I have been enamoured with Batman since I was but a child, and things really have not changed. Even when Joel Schumacher and his evil minions attempted to poison and destroy the movie franchise, I wished upon star after countless star that something beneficial would bestow itself upon Batman. Now, it seems, my wishes have not been in vain. I am a huge Christopher Nolan fan (fantastic director), not to mention Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine, and Liam Neeson. With these extremely talented people forming together, I cannot see how this could be a bad film. I do not think that Katie Holmes can be enough to ruin this for me. But, as with everything else, time will tell. I am supposed to see it tonight, but I think my friends are going to back out. They want to see it on iMax. I do as well, but I just want to see the f-ing film. The closest iMax that is showing it to me is in San Antonio. No, thanks.